Relationship is a part of who we are as human beings. The relationship we have to the self. To others. To Source. To God. To systems. Relationship is the fabric of who we are and how we relate to the micro and the macro.

I wanted to transparently share how my coming to a deeper understanding of the most painful relationship I have ever been in is helping me to understand what is taking place on our world stage.

My use of the words toxic, controlling, manipulative and abusive are all used very consciously with no blame or judgement rather because they evoke and provoke a sense of what may be taking place and are actually used as a means for deeper understanding.

As ever, this is simply my way of using an experience of my own to bring my perspective and my truth. I offer always with love.

Not so long ago I found myself in the most controlling, manipulative and abusive relationship I have ever been in. Candidly he is not on Social Media and none of my friends got to meet him so this is not someone that anyone knows.

The means by which he tried to control me were so insipid and underhand that in the early stages I admit I was second guessing myself as to whether what my intuition was telling me was in fact true. I gave the benefit of the doubt on more than one occasion as what he appeared to be offering at other times was generous and 'loving'. However, there was no mistaking the language and the desire to silence me in more ways than one. He was a master of his trade. His ability to turn everything around was frankly quite amazing if stepping back and seeing his craft that he clearly spent years perfecting.

All I could do is what I do, bring more love and understanding, compassion and openness. Of course, here he had two choices - to receive my love and break open the walls and barriers he had around his heart or he could see my love as a trick or a threat and try and control more. He chose subconsciously or otherwise, the latter. The more I loved, the more control and manipulation he brought until my body literally and physically said to me... NO MORE. We were nearing physically very challenging and dangerous situations.

Now I know with every ounce of my being that this journey into the most toxic, abusive and controlling relationship of my life has brought me the greatest freedom I have known. I broke myself so wide open with my own love, that I got to see my own worth and value in a way that I had never seen and for the very first time in my life, I said "no more" and truly meant it.

However, what I also witnessed in my ability to bring more and more love and light to the situation and most importantly to myself was that I witnessed his own shadow, borne out of trauma, literally choking him. He experienced many many occasions where he was gasping for breath and I am sure many times feeling like he was fighting for his own life.

I am sure many of you are already understanding why I am sharing this in this way at this time. It is undeniable that we are currently experiencing control, manipulation, abuse and toxic behaviour on a global scale.

Any form of control in my experience in relationship is borne out of trauma. Im not citing whether this is okay or not. It just simply is. Our world, its rulers and leaders, to my heart mind are operating out of some trauma based response to things being out of their control. As control loosens so the grip tightens. Greed and manipulation come from a lack of love. A lack of love for the self, the earth and humanity.

Imagine for a moment a world full of leaders with self worth. What a vastly different picture that would paint. However, that is not the reality we are living in.

I posit this though. Bringing more love and light to my relationship meant that he was choking on his own shadow and control mechanisms. I didn't have to fight him though that is precisely what he wanted me to do. The light in me was literally casting him under his own shadow. Whether he could see it or not was not my responsibility.

If we bring only love and light to the world right now in whatever ways we can in our own individual ways, the shadow and darkness will eventually strangle itself. It will not have the air to breathe that it needs to sustain itself. And, of course, it will get darker before this happens. I do not believe, however, that this is something to fear.

The moment I took my power back, honoured my own worth and took responsibility for my safety, I was free. That feeling of freedom was perhaps the most visceral I have ever felt on one of the most harrowing days of my life, when I was fearing for my own physical safety.

Please know that I did not have to take it to this extreme and yet I did.

I truly hope that this sharing brings some sense of understanding and peace to people's hearts. It may sound whimsical to say that love is the energy required to turn things around and yet I also know how potent a force it is to be reckoned with when the stakes are truly high.

Freedom can be ours. We have to choose it. We have to value ourselves enough to want it that we will take it back through loving more than we ever have. Are you ready to say, 'no more' for the sake of self and for the highest good of all?!

So as the light and the dark continue to dance... let us find love within the shadows.

Shared with love always, all ways

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