maelstrom: a situation or state of confused movement or violent turmoil
I want to speak to the intensity of this last year. I imagine few have escaped the vice like grip of its jaws - the tenacious way that the energies, the planets, the 3D reality of Covid 19 have whipped us all up into a frenzy and thrown us to the floor, gasping for breath - seeking and searching for a section of hallowed ground to alight upon, even if just for a moment. A moment to breathe, to take stock, to reassess. I spoke last year to the opportunities and gifts that I feel this last year have brought to us. Being brought to your knees is rarely comfortable, facing metaphorical and literal death is never easy and brings with it an unholy cavalcade of emotions and beliefs to be sorted through. Some of us will have reassessed and taken the opportunity to stop, step into our back bodies and make perhaps different choices, wiser choices that do not come from a place of fear nor indeed reaction. Others will not have had the time, the awareness or indeed the inclination to do so. Neither response is right or wrong. It simply is. A response from where we find ourselves within our own evolutionary journey as a soul-being. I posited in my last journal entry that I am able to observe and be witness to both sides. To know that as a bridge between worlds I am neither for nor against. As I experienced this morning this is not always an easy position to hold. What do I mean by being a bridge between worlds. It's hard to portray fully in words. It is rather a knowing that came with me on entry to earth. In my early twenties I recall being in a coaching session, with my then coach, engaging in timeline therapy - it was a particularly powerful session where I saw myself (in a vision) as a bridge and witnessed hundreds and thousands of children walking across that bridge. At the time I was a little freaked out to see that I would be "having that many children" especially seeing as I was pretty sure from a young age that I would not be bearing literal children in this lifetime. I know that I am one of many across the globe who also "know" themselves to be this bridge in their own iteration of it and I want to take this moment to honour you, the commitment you made and to say that I am grateful to be walking this path with you whether I know you personally or not. I alluded to an experience I had this morning that makes this role, at times, hard to navigate for it can be truly painful. As I was driving this morning I was overwhelmed with a sense of heartache, loss, feelings of not wanting to be here anymore. These are emotions that I have felt over the years and have come to know them as something I experience as part of the collective. This is not to remove myself entirely from such an experience, however, this morning I felt the collective pain that humanity is in and when I feel this, it literally breaks my heart open. And in that breaking I momentarily feel such an exquisite pain and sense of defeat that once felt opens me out to a feeling of serene peace and unquenchable, untouchable love for all humanity. For you see, when you reside between worlds - you feel it all.... the utter exquisite beauty of all that exists and you feel the intolerable pain of all that exists. When I titled this piece "Diving into the maelstrom"... I was unsure, as ever, as to where the meandering of my words would take me. What I did know was that I wanted to address, more specifically, that which we are face to face with as a collective in this now moment. So, let me talk Covid 19, Vaccines, Masks, Control, Aliens, Illuminati, Conspiracy. Even writing that list makes my toes curl a little. I want to try and make my position as clear as I can not because I need to be heard but because my love for humanity runs so deep that my voice wishes to find those with whom I might resonate that they might find sanctuary in the safety and peace of their own hearts. Finding those who can feel so isolated in their knowing and somewhat reluctant to speak out. Finding those who know that we create a grid of light across the globe holding space, and simply witnessing and observing. I'm acutely aware as I feel into what I am writing how passive I might come across to those who actively fight for or against. I could not be less passive and perhaps I am simply writing those words that I may hear them myself. I believe that Covid exists and I believe that it came both as a gift and an opportunity and I also know that it has taken lives and I send my heartfelt love to those who have experienced loss at its hands and I send my heartfelt love to those who have experienced gifts at its presence, perhaps finding a deeper sense of self and values. I am neither for nor against vaccines. I strongly believe that it is a personal choice. I am aware where it has had both positive and negative outcomes. I wrote a post on social media about masks saying that I pay no mind to whether you do or you don't, simply asking that you make it a personal, authentic and self responsible choice. With regards to whether we are being controlled - I am acutely aware that Big Pharma have an agenda, I am also acutely aware that Big Pharma have saved thousands of lives. I am aware that some people in government may appear to have very little scruples and I am also aware that sometimes these individuals are absolutely necessary to catalyse and create change. I don't feel the need to lay out my position as far as Aliens, the Illuminati and Conspiracy go. You will already have gained a sense that I hold space between the polarity of all these ideas making none of them mine own. The position I hold is one of self responsibility and self sovereignty. I fundamentally believe that the only way to a truly re-connected humanitarian collective is to begin with the shadows that lie within - the moment we make anyone else wrong for their beliefs or actions puts us back on the hamster wheel of "doing what you've always done, you will get what you've always got".... Choosing love and compassion seems to be a rite of passage as far as the 'human' experience goes. I find myself having to surrender over and over and over again. At times I so want to be on one side or the other so that I can feel connected to a team, a side... to feel like I am aligned to a fight for good or evil, whichever I may choose in the moment, simply so that I can feel as though I belong. This will never be my reality. This can be a tiring and lonely road. This will always bring me back to a place of exquisite peace and love. This will always leave me knowing that no matter what I am a unique speck of eternal light and that I am connected to millions of other specks of eternal light and stardust. I will always be on the side of humanity which means I am on everyones side. Choose love and compassion if you have to make a choice and just check in with whether it is your heart speaking to you or a head that desires to be right. Shared with love, always and all ways.